IM BACK!

After tossing turning thinking and regretting, I’ve taken the plunge (yep again) to start my NEW blog! Now, I’m not going into the reason as to why I deleted my previous blog because I’ll just get highly pissed off at myself, scream, and probably wake the kids up. It’ll then be them that are screaming, I’ll be pulling my hair out and it’ll all be a big fat unnecessary mess.

SO… whilst reading a humongous amount of “mum blogs” yawn, I’ve discovered that there’s actually NOTHING I’m getting remotely hooked to. Don’t get me wrong I find the odd few relatable BUT.. truthfully I don’t really wanna know about your perfectly well behaved children, I don’t wanna know about the polite conversations you all have whilst sitting around your bespoke marble dining table, I don’t wanna know about you not having a single spec of dust in your well presented 26 story house. Like, I don’t know what on earth it is I’m looking for in a blog to be truthfull. Humour? Brutal honesty? Or maybe even just a typical mum not giving a shit about using the F word more times than some would call acceptable. It most definitely feels marvellous FUCKING MINT just to have the odd TWATING swear word here and BASTARD there because let’s be honest, there’s only so many times a day we can mutter them under our breath so little ears don’t hear.

So I figured (like the clever little sausage I am), that if IM not finding the kind of blogs that make me wanna say “damnnn girl you’re abit of me” then maybe others are having the same problem? Either that or it’s just me being me and looking in all the wrong places. God knows.

In my spare time (the whole 0.47 seconds I get of it) instead of catching up on Corrie or rearranging the sofa cushions, I’ve decided I’m gonna be here. I’m gonna be writing random no-good blogs. I’m gonna be ranting, sharing my opinions and swearing a shit tonne. No seriousness, no perfectly perfect well structured sentences and certainly no boasting about my pristine clean home. I’m just jealous really, I wish I could share about our cleanliness as a family but truthfully we live like pigs.. ( Ok that’s an exaggeration) well, it’s relatively clean, minus the huge pile of clothes still waiting to be put away 4 days later and the “shoe corner” looking like a bombs hit it.

Have you noticed that I keep going off topic? Im a bloody nightmare for it. Saying that, what aren’t I a nightmare for? I blame motherhood. Believe it or not I used to be quite normal (whatever “normal” is) before having children. I used to ACTUALLY get dressed every single day, I used to ACTUALLY get enough sleep to be able to function properly, I used to ACTUALLY get my non leaking tits to myself. Now all I’m left with is bags bigger than my boobs and nips bigger than Uranus..(as in the actual planet not your anus).. I’d of just felt awkward if I didn’t clear that up. Motherhood has changed me into a freak of nature but would I have it any other way? HELL NO.

I swear my aim was just to make this post a few sentences long but here I am still rambling. ANYWAYYYY..I really do hope you enjoy reading my content foul words and horrific spelling, I’m definitely NOT going anywhere in a hurry. I think it’s best I go now because I’ve taken the piss a little bit with my “me time” whilst daddy juggles the woken babies. You know you’ve been in the bath too long when you begin to resemble a prune.

Thankyou ever so much for being here.

P.S HOW THE FUCK HAVE I JUST SQUIRTED MYSELF IN THE EYE WITH MY OWN TIT MILK?!

Lots of love

Jo X

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  1. February 24, 2018 / 9:57 pm

    Yasssssss Joanne
    P.s
    Isobella likes to fiddle with the other nip while feeding and frequently squirts me in the face with my own ‘tit milk’ 😂😂 rub it in great moisturiser 😉

  2. February 25, 2018 / 8:49 am

    I’m glad you’re back. You’re so right about this picture perfect motherhood blogs. Mine is FAR from it. I swear and rant about shit. My kid is good but she still an asshole sometimes. No one is perfect lol x

    • February 25, 2018 / 8:51 am

      You’re one of the many that persuaded me to come back so THANKYOU so much for that! X

  3. Teigan
    February 28, 2018 / 2:20 pm

    So so glad you decided to start again!!! Love reading them x

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