A day in the life of me

As you could probably guess, not every day in the life of motherhood is all spontaneous days out and none stop giggles.

In fact, It’s a typical Saturday and instead of pre drinks and getting legless like I would’ve done 3 years ago, I’m celebrating the fact that my constipated baby finally just did a massive shit.

So…I thought I’d share with you an honest and realistic day in the life of me. Now this is just an average day where we’ve stayed inside, the weathers been miserable as hell and Jordan has been at work all day (lucky him.) A day in the life with my 2 under 2.

Here goes..


“Gimme some fucking milk woman!!”

I imagine that’s what Junior would say to me if he could speak, he wakes up with the cutest little stretch (obviously I’m completely besotted and staring in awe) but that’s quickly followed by a deep growl. Surprisingly he’s quite the intimidating sort to say he’s only 4 months old. I waste no time at all lobbing my bulging milk filled tit out before banging it into his mouth for his morning indulge.


Rio’s slowly starting to wake up so it’s time to get my zombie resembling self outta bed (trying not to trip over my empty drained tits in the process.) I’ll throw on my Jordan’s dressing gown and begin filling the pockets with things like the monitor, Juniors dummy, my phone, and owt else I can see in front of me basically. Anything to save an extra trip up the stairs I guess.

I’ll then grab Junior give him a million kisses and head off downstairs.


So Rio’s like his mama, he’s not a morning person AT ALL. Which is why I’ll make sure his breakfast, bottle of water and favourite cartoon is all ready for his arrival (it makes my life a hell of a lot easier when he’s happy.) You can already tell who’s in charge in our house right?

Whilst going back and forth I’ll also be changing Juniors clothes, bum and popping him into his Jumperoo for a little bounce around while I nip and get his brother from upstairs.

Ive still not even pee’d yet *sighs*


By this point both of the boys are changed fed happy, content and alive which only means one thing! Time to chill out and have 10 minutes put a load of washing in and clean clean clean. I’d much rather get it all done whilst they’re quiet than when they’re screaming the house down and throwing hammers at my head. No rest for the wicked ey?


Before giving Rio his second breakfast (fruit and yoghurt) I’ll take Junior and dart upstairs for a quick piddle.. I was literally on the verge of pissing my pants.

I should really think about doing more pelvic floor exercises.


Juniors first nap of the day is fast approaching and the cup of tea I haven’t stopped thinking about all morning is calling my name..BUT FIRST.. more boobs to be emptied, more bums to be changed and more books to be read.


I usually feel like superwoman when it gets to this time. The house is clean.. well minus the 10,000 dinosaurs, cars, balls and whatever else Rio has dragged out from the toy corner.. the boys are settled, the first load of washing is done and I’ve somehow managed to keep myself in one piece.

Oh I’m still in my pjs if you’re wondering. Only weirdo’s get changed when they’re staying in the house all day.



Ok forget what I said about having a clean house. The house is not clean AT ALL. The house currently represents a skip yard. Nappies scattered across the floor, Sudocrem smudged Into the wall, chocolate on the sofa (well I’m guessing it’s that) and a nice aroma of Oder le’ shit arse is filling the air.


Rio’s all settled for his nap. Honestly he’s such an angel when it comes to nap/bedtime if I do say so myself, he’s usually knocking zzz’s out for a good 2 hours too! Now I’ll usually spend an hour or 2 feeding, changing and playing with Junior. I think it’s SO important so spend time with the children individually aswell as together.


Again.. I’ll see Rio slowly waking up on the monitor so I’ll begin to prepare his dinner ready for him waking. Tut, little king he is.

Imagine being waited on hand and foot. Waking up EVERY morning to your breakfast already made. Having a 2 hour nap when you’re tired. Not giving a shite in the world about how much mess you make because no matter what someone else will always clean it up after you, oh and wipe your ringer too. Man these boys got it all going on.


The day has been filled with endless feeding, cleaning, bum exploding , reading, playing, a bit more cleaning, that lil twat Peppa pig, washing, and everything else that could probably turn you into a wine craving psychopath. I am SO ready to face plant my pillow to say the very least.


Time for Rio’s tea. (Some folk call it dinner but I’m common as muck so it’s tea ok?)

Junior’s sometimes ALWAYS very clingy at this time for some odd reason so.. I’ll have to rock him in his bouncer with 1 foot whilst balancing on the other and preparing Rio’s food at the same time. I’ll often do the odd couple of hops to keep my balance but pfttt it’s nothing I can’t handle.

I’m so mint at using my feet as a second pair of hands I’m pretty sure I’m capable of running the country with those bad boys! Watch out Theresa May, am comin’ for ya.


Whilst Rio’s scoffing his face and Junior’s having a snooze I’ll be busy pottering around cleaning up toys…again, putting in the 89th load of washing and giving the living room a quick hoover.

I’ll be warming the boys clean pjs up on the radiator for when they get out of their bath and I’ll be getting nappies/ lotions and towels ready.

Being prepared makes life SO much easier .

I wish I could say I live a completely stress free life but that’d make me a bigger liar than Pat Phelan.


Junior gets first dibs on the bath.. before being joined by his big brother and his crate full of water pistols and rubber ducks.

Whilst drying and changing Junior I’ll let Rio have a pleasant little splash flood the fu%#ing bathroom floor and and make his own jacuzzi (I think you know what I mean)

oh the stenchhhhh! *gags*… *gags abit more*

When juniors dressed and warm I’ll pop him on his play mat whilst I have a little play and splash around with Rio.


I call this “settle down time” I’ll turn the lights off, give Junior milk and get Rio a fresh bottle of water. We’ll then either 1- read a couple of books or 2- have a cuddle on the sofa whilst watching his favourite cartoon on the iPad.. peppa pinhead (Oops bad mum alert)


Finally it’s the toddlers bed time! If you’re a parent then believe me when I say it’s ABSOLUTELY ok to admit that you’re buzzing your titties off when it gets to this time!

It’s been a hella long day for this mumma.

I’m gunna spring a quick something up for mi tea, make sure the house is clean (makes me life easier in the morning) sort out Junior and I’m m’off to bed.


Lots of love

Jo X

Whats your favourite part of the day?


Leave a comment

  1. Andrew
    March 18, 2018 / 7:39 pm

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