Everyone will already be aware about the awful stigma that is attached stay at home mums (sahm). Why? Why are we made to feel bad about taking care of our children? Why are we referred to as lazy? Why do folk presume parenting is a walk in the park when realistically its the equivalent to having 2 1/2 full time jobs? Why are people so quick to judge? This post has been bubbling away in side of me for donkeys and I’ve finally managed to jump on the laptop and explode about it!
So where do we start? First of all I’ll start with the mums that work! When you give birth you obviously need a good few weeks or so to recover from the traumatising fanny wrecking procedure you’ve just entailed, however some woman (chuffing amazing women) manage to get up and at it after just 6 weeks.. obviously by ‘at it’ I’m referring to back to work. Now that is bloody fabbbbulous.
Its all great going back to work after having a few months off however for some (like me) Its much much more than that. The thought of leaving my children makes me feel physically sick to my stomach, no exaggeration. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing in the world I’d love to do more than to go to work right now but my babies need me. I KNOW they need me. The first few years are the most precious and I don’t want to miss a second, I don’t want to miss a milestone, I don’t want to miss their first crawl, their first, steps, their first words. It’d break my heart forever. I don’t want to miss any of it! Now you’re probably thinking ”well I’m sure their daddy wont exactly be ecstatic about missing those either” but I am so blessed to have the most understanding partner of all time, he wants me to be at home with the children! (as long as I take 4568 daily photos and videos so he doesn’t miss anything either , which I cant complain about really)
Anyway, none of the above matters if you think deeply about it. Weather we decide to go back to work or choose to stay at home we’re all in the same boat facing the same tide. We’re all doing everything we possibly can to give our children the best start to life. Every tiny decision that’s made by us is made with our babies in mind, that’s all that’s important.
So, you can understand why sahm’s get so irritated at small minded folk who think its acceptable to use our job as an excuse to throw abuse at us. Well let me tell you something Paul, you wouldn’t last a single day doing what we do. We don’t get the privilege of having adult conversation all day every day like you do. We don’t get to pee alone. We don’t get to have a HOT cup of coffee on our break. We don’t even get to break for that matter. We don’t get to call in sick when we’re unwell. We don’t have a ”home time” our job is a 24 hour shift, EVERY SINGLE DAY.
I’m not explaining myself, believe me I’m not. I’m speaking on behalf of all stay at home mums out there. We punish ourselves daily, we convince ourselves that we’re not doing enough and more often that not its because of folk like Paul. Its not fair. You are going above and beyond to do everything in your power to give your children the best possible start to life, do not let Paul make you think otherwise.
What is our profession? I reckon what ISNT our profession would be a more appropriate question. Being a sahm means we’re the chef, cleaner, children’s entertainer, nurse, carer, bum changer, maid, argument solver, tantrum tamer, book reader, toy mender, the list is endless. The single fact alone that we’re made to feel as though we need to do more is utterly ridiculous.
The drain we put on ourselvea is mind blowing. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies like you might imagine, its tough as hell. I cry, its totally ok to admit that. When you have tiny humans needing 100% of your time and attention it does all become very overwhelming. Even when the children are having a nap there’s still things to tick off the to-do list, loading the washing machine, prepping tea or even just having a 3 minute shower. Everything seems to be a chore. You’ll go to sleep at night but you’re still working in a sense, you’re still listening out. You’ll then wake up to the do the whole thing over and over again.
Even a simple super market trip is filled with dirty looks and whispers. I am the mum that opens a packet of biscuits before we reach the till just to keep the toddler quiet so what? When I’ve had a morning full of poo explosions, tantrums and the soundtrack to Teletubbies is on repeat in my head I don’t give a sh’*t if Brenda turns her nose up at me.
We’re not lazy, we’re not slobs and we’re certainly not getting the recognition that we deserve. To the stay at home mama’s this one’s for you. You’re doing the most incredible job, believe me. Don’t be so damn hard on yourself. Your children love, adore and appreciate you SOSO much, that’s the biggest pay check you could ever receive.
lots of love,