Toddlers Arent Toddles Without

I’ve been sat watching my toddler go about his day to day business (shouting ‘copt’-aka helicopter whilst pointing down his nappy) when I’ve suddenly realised what a crazy sort they actually are! Trying to understand what loony thoughts are running through that teeny little head is baffling as hell.

We would not change a single inch of them (a little less attitude maybe) ..despite the following making us want to accidentally fall into a hospital bed for a week or 10…

Messy hair

Also known as “bed head”. There is not a single toddler plodding about on this earth that doesn’t have what looks like a family of hedgehogs perched upon their noggin.

If you’re feeling brave enough tackling that huge monstrosity be sure to shampoo, brush and DO NOT let a single inch of their head touch the sofa/floor because POOOOOF you’ll blink and it’ll be touching the sky again..

Bogeys, lots of em

…and more often than not when you’re out about and don’t have the correct supplies for a luminous green snot bubble which is about to slip into their mouth then there’s only one option… your white blooming blouse.

The most minging thing about it is you’ll be completely oblivious to what you just did and wonder why the hell folk are gipping as they walk past.

Motherhood you glamorous thang.

An A* in drama

Because when there’s no cheese puffs left, nap time came around too soon or there’s a bouncy ball at the back of the toy box that they can’t quite reach then that tear-less cry MUST appear… followed by a high pitched scream that gives you an instant headache and makes you wanna face plant a fork.

Crumbs

Whats the point in hoovering up? Cheese crackers for dinner are the worst! Ya know, its kinda like blending up a ton of fruit without putting the lid on the blender first..

I suppose it could be a positive in some sense, ever misplace the toddler? There will ALWAYS be a trail of crumbs leading to a mischievous chocolate covered face.

The ability to give you 10 million panic attacks a day

From diving headfirst from the sofa to attempting to moonwalk down an 8ft slide, its a miracle that we haven’t been hospitalised ourselves as parents, give us a break you crazy ass animals.

Cuts and bruises

Lets face it, toddlers are the clumsiest lil you know whats right? like literally by the time you’ve whacked an empty yogurt pot into the bin a toddler will somehow be monkey swinging from the light shade when you get back. The boisterous, clumsy and damn right fearless behaviour is screaming bumps and bruises.

I don’t really know where i wanted to go with this post. I guess I just wanted to highlight the fact that our sassy little humans wouldn’t be them without their not so fab parts.

Deep down we’re all just parents trying so damn hard not to laugh at our children and their naughty behaviour.

Lots of love,

Joanne  X

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