Time for another baby?

Time for another baby?

I know what you’re thinking. ‘You crazy fother mucker’

I’ve somehow just got to the stage where the boys (2 and 7 months) are kinda in a routine that’s as good as its gonna get for the the time being. Are we REALLY contemplating having another devil sweetheart so soon?

Well, if having a baby didn’t connect with 9 months of growing a training kickboxer inside your womb with violent back pain, the inability to get in and out of a car without tripping over your bump and being ACTUALLY able to slip on your own socks without having to seek for help like a 2 year old tantruming toddler then maybe, just maybe I’d consider it. Oh I’d also have to insist on having a painless, non-front bum ripping birth that didn’t involve soiling myself in front of my nearest and dearest if that’s not too much to ask.

Putting the splits and shits aside… the new baby would need to have a routine from the get go. Cut out those first few black as tar turds and the loud screaming (like they’ve just been informed that all the milk in the world has disappeared) when you pop them into the bath for the first time. They can’t cry, they can’t wake up during the night and they’re not allowed to  piss in your mouth the second you pull down the front of the nappy.

I very much doubt that the above is possible.

Which is why we are no way in hell ready for a new sprog.

Don’t get me wrong i’m definitely not saying ‘nah thats it- sew mi clunge up now’ (Even though that very thought did cross my mind minutes after giving birth) because it would be so lovely to add a new member or 12 to our perfect little family BUT do I really risk giving birth to a football team of piss on the seat boys? Hm debatable.

Jordan has already slammed his cards on the table and said he doesn’t want our family expanding but I know that deep down when he hasn’t got little boys chasing after him shouting ‘DEEE’, he doesn’t have someone tryna cadge a bit of his Muller Rice EVERY TIME he gets one out and nobody to do his daddy dance to (cos they’ll be too old to give a shit and they’ll cringe if anything) he’ll want to throw another little Jord into the mix. I JUST KNOW IT.

So we’re not saying right now, but we’re not saying never.

Oh…the littlest just shat on me.

All my shit-filled fingers love,

Joanne X


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